1
00:00:01,077 --> 00:00:11,168
There's a video where you talk about how to be calm and avoid anxiety and you say that the important thing is how you react, but does this help remove the anxiety from our heads?

2
00:00:13,090 --> 00:00:13,350
Yes.

3
00:00:14,672 --> 00:00:27,085
Yes, the important thing is to separate the anxiety from the result, the resultant physical

4
00:00:27,571 --> 00:00:54,827
manifestations of anxiety the butterflies in your stomach the tension in your shoulders and the headache and the fluttering of the heart the beating of the heart and so on all of that is not anxiety and that's really the problem even with meditation because you'll say to yourself anxious anxious and the effects don't disappear you still have butterflies in your stomach you still have a heart beating fast and so on but

5
00:00:55,448 --> 00:01:17,136
and so as a result you think it did nothing and then you get anxious again you say oh no it's not working and oh no I'm still anxious and then you get more and more anxious and it snowballs this is what it does if you're not meditating you feel the effects in the body you get more anxious you get anxious and the effects in the body get worse you feel the effects in the body and you get totally paralyzed as a result the

6
00:01:17,723 --> 00:01:46,802
when you if you focus on the anxiety and focus on the effects of the body objectively seeing them for what they are you don't need the bodily manifestations to disappear this is something that we don't get you can be totally calm in the mind and have your body freaking out this is logically logical so

7
00:01:47,187 --> 00:02:15,540
you don't you don't have to worry about what's going on in my you know my heart is beating very fast I must be anxious because no you you can't stop that it's something that's going to take a few minutes to calm down but immediately you can do away with the anxiety in the head it's important to see that and it's important to make the distinction because you know I've given talks before where my heart was beating really really fast and I had butterflies in the stomach I was really one might say anxious but where I had

8
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:32,641
caught the anxiety and was acknowledging the feelings in the body, was clearly aware of them and gave a great talk and was perfectly clear and perfectly calm and happy even though my voice was even shaking because of the fluttering in the body.

9
00:02:33,762 --> 00:02:45,477
You know what's really funny which is going along with what you're saying is what I've noticed and is like myself and other people say

10
00:02:45,895 --> 00:02:48,238
but I'm not supposed to be feeling like this.

11
00:02:50,141 --> 00:02:53,485
What do you mean you're not supposed to be feeling like this?

12
00:02:54,206 --> 00:02:55,388
This is how you're feeling.

13
00:02:55,468 --> 00:02:58,331
It's like people with lifelong depression.

14
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:14,653
They're trying to always find that drug or that therapy that's going to cure them, but maybe if they were to just realize, oh, this is the way I've always felt,

15
00:03:15,798 --> 00:03:18,340
Maybe they can adjust with it better and go on.

16
00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:22,965
Actually, that's what has taken place with myself.

17
00:03:23,785 --> 00:03:27,308
Oh, but I'm not supposed to be feeling like this.

18
00:03:27,328 --> 00:03:33,574
And my own sister had to say, hey, dummy, you've been feeling like this since you've been two years old.

19
00:03:34,195 --> 00:03:37,137
So have I. We inherited it from our parents.

20
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:37,978
It's genetic.

21
00:03:38,699 --> 00:03:44,404
And it's like, oh, you mean so I am supposed to be feeling like this?

22
00:03:45,127 --> 00:04:11,117
yeah that's like oh okay well I'm gonna choose to start feeling other things and it allowed me that opening to acknowledging it it's like you know the idea of like oh you're not supposed to feel pain what do you mean you're not supposed to feel pain the more you're saying that the more you're gonna feel the pain obviously and you know when it comes to like physical pain

23
00:04:11,587 --> 00:04:23,682
We all know that when you start not resisting it, but settle into it, allow yourself to acknowledge it, you realize that the pain starts alleviating itself on its own.

24
00:04:24,743 --> 00:04:38,320
And, you know, I just had to make that comment there because when you can sit back and just say, oh, the chaos going on around me, well, that's actually normal.

25
00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,822
That's samsara.

26
00:04:40,308 --> 00:05:06,568
okay let me let me just work on not thinking that this is uh all out of order no i just have to direct my own mind and just be calm because really that's the case we're living in chaos constantly whether it's internal or external whether it's our own you know perception of our own pain or the perception of out around us

27
00:05:07,190 --> 00:05:29,535
maybe for a moment there we have that little bubble of where we feel everything's all right but then first and uh you know part of the joy of practicing dharma is to go with those uh ups and downs and the bursts and the deaths of all these different experiences

28
00:05:30,022 --> 00:05:35,509
I probably said a little too much, but I just had a... No, that's exactly... I'm with you there.

29
00:05:35,569 --> 00:05:44,721
And I think one of the best... or the best example of this that I can think of, especially as it relates to anxiety, is insomnia.

30
00:05:46,364 --> 00:05:48,947
People are only insomniac because they want to sleep.

31
00:05:50,088 --> 00:05:52,772
It's kind of, you know, that's obvious, right?

32
00:05:53,545 --> 00:05:56,990
Because I should be sleeping.

33
00:05:57,210 --> 00:05:57,711
Exactly.

34
00:05:57,831 --> 00:05:58,512
It's the worst.

35
00:05:58,692 --> 00:05:59,794
It's the worst form.

36
00:05:59,854 --> 00:06:03,078
I used to be insomniac, and I'd be up until 3 a.m.

37
00:06:03,118 --> 00:06:07,945
because I thought I should be sleeping.

38
00:06:07,965 --> 00:06:17,337
Buddhism, one of the first things, the quickest things that Buddhism is able to cure, as far as things that need to be cured, is insomnia.

39
00:06:18,559 --> 00:06:22,945
It's something that you... All it takes is for the teacher to say...

40
00:06:23,549 --> 00:06:24,570
You don't need to sleep.

41
00:06:25,632 --> 00:06:29,217
You would be far better off if you were to stay awake all night and be mindful.

42
00:06:29,718 --> 00:06:30,299
So do it.

43
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:37,309
And it comes into play, especially when they do an intensive meditation course.

44
00:06:37,970 --> 00:06:43,117
But even people in daily life, when you tell them, well, then don't sleep.

45
00:06:43,338 --> 00:06:45,080
Stay up all night and meditate.

46
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,342
And you say, good for you.

47
00:06:46,402 --> 00:06:48,425
I'm so happy for you.

48
00:06:48,485 --> 00:06:51,109
I have to argue with my students

49
00:06:51,562 --> 00:06:54,485
to get them down to six hours of sleep at night.

50
00:06:55,587 --> 00:06:57,209
Oh, I could never do six hours of sleep.

51
00:06:58,450 --> 00:07:01,374
And then these insomniacs are what I get, two, three hours a night.

52
00:07:01,554 --> 00:07:02,375
Great, good for you.

53
00:07:02,435 --> 00:07:03,796
More time for meditation.

54
00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:05,178
Meditate all night.

55
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:15,230
And immediately, of course, they fall asleep and have no problems at all in the future.

56
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:21,197
But the idea that you need to sleep more and so on, that you should be asleep, I thought that's... That conflict.

57
00:07:21,785 --> 00:07:22,868
Yeah, stress.

58
00:07:22,948 --> 00:07:25,454
I mean, anxiety, it certainly is.

59
00:07:25,755 --> 00:07:32,873
Someone adds to this and says, someone's saying, can you talk about anxiety and how to deal with it, which I think we've done.

60
00:07:33,354 --> 00:07:37,043
And the second one right above it says, anxiety and insecurities.

61
00:07:38,457 --> 00:07:40,920
Insecurity might be an interesting topic.

62
00:07:40,940 --> 00:07:42,002
That's a good one, yeah.

63
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:44,185
It's a little bit different than anxiety, isn't it?

64
00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:53,878
I don't know if it's a Western world problem largely, but there's a lot of insecurity I find in the social circles that I run in.

65
00:07:55,159 --> 00:07:55,259
Yeah.

66
00:07:55,279 --> 00:08:01,388
Feeling that you are inadequate or worrying that you might be inadequate.

67
00:08:02,369 --> 00:08:03,490
Right, yeah.

68
00:08:03,510 --> 00:08:08,397
Remembering things that you've done and, oh, I was such an idiot to do that and

69
00:08:09,119 --> 00:08:13,465
what they must think of me and so on.

70
00:08:14,486 --> 00:08:17,470
We're so much harder on ourselves than other people are, aren't we?

71
00:08:17,991 --> 00:08:30,688
Have you ever been to one of those situations where you just did something you thought everyone must think you're an idiot and you just really ruined your relationship with everyone and no one else really noticed and they're kind of like, oh yeah, whatever.

72
00:08:30,668 --> 00:08:32,670
And we're like killing ourselves.

73
00:08:32,951 --> 00:08:34,472
Yeah, exactly.

74
00:08:34,673 --> 00:08:35,714
We're thinking about ourselves.

75
00:08:36,495 --> 00:08:37,236
So they don't really care.

76
00:08:37,596 --> 00:08:40,840
It's an interesting thing that that tends to be the case.

77
00:08:41,261 --> 00:08:44,084
Our insecurity is thinking, you know, how are they looking at us?

78
00:08:44,104 --> 00:08:45,305
They must really be judging us.

79
00:08:45,405 --> 00:08:46,286
People don't care.

80
00:08:46,867 --> 00:08:48,089
People don't really judge you.

81
00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:51,833
They judge you for a second and then they go back to their own problems because they got lots of them.

82
00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:56,352
So how do we deal with insecurity?

83
00:08:56,572 --> 00:08:58,735
Is it almost like insomnia?

84
00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:02,020
Is it a similar situation where it's okay to feel insecure?

85
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:07,648
Obviously you do, but I think it's much more difficult because it has to do with ego.

86
00:09:08,429 --> 00:09:11,393
Insecurity is the core.

87
00:09:11,934 --> 00:09:20,065
It's part of the core, which is to give up self until you can be totally fine with being an idiot.

88
00:09:20,737 --> 00:09:24,361
you'll never be free from suffering.

89
00:09:25,082 --> 00:09:31,809
Until you can say something that just really makes you look stupid and be fine with that.

90
00:09:32,269 --> 00:09:35,152
Because my teacher once did that.

91
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,455
He said something that was really wrong.

92
00:09:38,356 --> 00:09:40,018
And it didn't faze him.

93
00:09:41,539 --> 00:09:44,683
He was like, yes, oh yes, sorry, that was wrong.

94
00:09:44,923 --> 00:09:46,845
And just went on with it.

95
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:52,486
Oh, I got no problem saying stupid things.

96
00:09:53,788 --> 00:09:58,633
Of course, I guess we would have to say, based on how you said that, it's kind of like a joke.

97
00:09:58,653 --> 00:10:02,416
I wonder if it's possible to be saying lots of stupid things.

98
00:10:02,437 --> 00:10:07,001
There are people who say lots of stupid things and are fine with it and aren't in life.

99
00:10:07,021 --> 00:10:07,922
That's different, isn't it?

100
00:10:09,724 --> 00:10:11,486
Yeah, but they don't have insecurity.

101
00:10:11,526 --> 00:10:13,508
There are people who...

102
00:10:15,412 --> 00:10:17,195
But that's not true, no.

103
00:10:17,475 --> 00:10:25,406
Some people who, you know, I'm thinking of jokers, for example, people who are just class clowns and so on, who thrive off of it.

104
00:10:25,506 --> 00:10:28,010
You know, deep down, are they really secure?

105
00:10:30,734 --> 00:10:32,476
Interesting topic, interesting question.

106
00:10:33,137 --> 00:10:35,220
That's interesting, yeah, because I'm very much like that.

107
00:10:35,941 --> 00:10:36,723
Sorry, what is it, Mark?

108
00:10:37,524 --> 00:10:39,867
Oh, I was just going to add that, you know,

109
00:10:40,336 --> 00:10:50,987
Being in school still, a lot of people around this age are very, very insecure, self-conscious of every little thing they do.

110
00:10:52,609 --> 00:10:54,731
They're always thinking, what do people think of me?

111
00:10:54,771 --> 00:10:56,933
How do I look right now?

112
00:10:57,714 --> 00:10:59,315
Those thoughts come to my mind as well.

113
00:10:59,636 --> 00:11:06,303
I think an easy way to deal with that is just focus on what you're doing at the moment.

114
00:11:06,343 --> 00:11:07,204
You're thinking.

115
00:11:07,564 --> 00:11:08,605
It's really what you're doing.

116
00:11:08,922 --> 00:11:12,247
you're overthinking, actually, and what else are you doing?

117
00:11:12,307 --> 00:11:14,511
Walking, sitting, whatever else.

118
00:11:14,591 --> 00:11:28,652
I think that's a good way to deal with being insecure or self-conscious, because in reality, you're making up this big story about what other people would think of you, and really, yeah, they do have their own problems.

119
00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:38,413
Of course, you'll see it as you meditate more that people really don't care about other people at all.

120
00:11:39,195 --> 00:11:41,460
They care more about...

121
00:11:41,862 --> 00:11:42,863
It's not always true.

122
00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:47,230
Some people are very altruistic and empathic.

123
00:11:47,250 --> 00:11:48,111
Some people actually do.

124
00:11:48,131 --> 00:11:49,012
Yeah, some people are.

125
00:11:51,095 --> 00:11:54,500
People aren't even caring even about themselves, per se.

126
00:11:55,021 --> 00:11:59,147
What they're doing is they're just perpetuating this myth in their mind.

127
00:12:00,249 --> 00:12:08,140
Part of their myth could even be masochism, or constantly putting themselves down.

128
00:12:08,238 --> 00:12:11,503
The idea that they're really caring about themselves.

129
00:12:11,563 --> 00:12:21,639
Well, the term care, maybe that's not the case, but they're definitely constantly playing this mythology.

130
00:12:22,480 --> 00:12:30,272
And in that mythology, well, of course, other people really don't matter because they're not really dealing with the real person.

131
00:12:30,312 --> 00:12:36,321
They're dealing with the image of that person in context in their myth of them.

132
00:12:36,723 --> 00:12:39,305
You're my daughter, you're my son, you're my mother.

133
00:12:39,365 --> 00:12:44,290
But very rarely are they saying, oh, I'm a person and you're a person.

134
00:12:44,310 --> 00:12:53,198
It's always in context with this fabrication of how they want to create reality as opposed to the natural order of reality.

135
00:12:53,218 --> 00:12:55,100
Very well said.

136
00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:59,164
It's interesting, too, when we talk about caring and insecurity, and they don't care.

137
00:12:59,204 --> 00:13:03,928
In some situations where you find someone really does care, it helps with insecurities.

138
00:13:04,735 --> 00:13:07,239
In fact, it doesn't seem to have as much ground.

139
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:13,788
And it seems like if you care as much as someone might in that circumstance, it also seems to have an effect on insecurity.

140
00:13:14,570 --> 00:13:16,132
It doesn't seem to remove it perfectly.

141
00:13:16,372 --> 00:13:22,982
Yeah, but that person that comes into your life and they really, really care, what's your response?

142
00:13:23,122 --> 00:13:25,686
What the hell do they want from me?

143
00:13:25,706 --> 00:13:26,888
Sometimes, yeah.

144
00:13:26,908 --> 00:13:28,630
Well, what do they really want?

145
00:13:29,231 --> 00:13:33,898
I don't like them because they're too direct.

146
00:13:34,975 --> 00:14:04,881
they're too honest to me I fear that that's a common response I've seen yeah isn't it the insecurity isn't it a part of the symptom of anxiety no I think it has ego more I mean yeah I think it's very much of anxiety because what they think about me oh

147
00:14:05,198 --> 00:14:08,241
I feel bad what he might think about me.

148
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,263
I suffer from anxiety.

149
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:12,025
That's a very part of the anxiety.

150
00:14:12,045 --> 00:14:12,286
Sure.

151
00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:17,211
But I think the insecurity comes first and the anxiety comes after.

152
00:14:18,472 --> 00:14:22,657
Or the insecurity is talking about something bigger than anxiety, much more ego-based.

153
00:14:24,299 --> 00:14:33,929
And the real problem there is, as Lou said it much better than I could, it's the myths that we're playing.

154
00:14:33,969 --> 00:14:34,750
It's all just

155
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:39,554
Whether you care about it, you know, I don't think I was totally correct to say that no one cares.

156
00:14:39,674 --> 00:14:42,117
We don't normally care, but we care more about ourselves than others.

157
00:14:42,538 --> 00:14:44,881
Or we're more focused on it, because some people are not.

158
00:14:45,783 --> 00:14:54,776
But regardless, as Lou said, if they're focused on themselves, focused on others, the problem is simply the myth.

159
00:14:54,956 --> 00:14:57,700
It's that we don't relate to each other.

160
00:14:58,152 --> 00:14:59,135
as we really are.

161
00:14:59,155 --> 00:15:13,815
I was talking today to one of the meditators and she was just asking about something just curious offhand about this seeming kind of special power that she had to

162
00:15:13,795 --> 00:15:41,727
to see auras so she could look at someone and she could tell it wasn't their emotions but it was she explained it one example was how she was able to tell a person's sphere of influence how basically how powerful a person was how big they were she got the sense of a person being big and a person being small I've heard a monk tell me the same thing in Thailand he said he was able to see some people just filled the room when they walked into the room the whole room was full

163
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:44,436
And other people just seem very, very small to them.

164
00:15:46,363 --> 00:15:49,955
And so she was asking about this in general and how it relates to what we're talking about.

165
00:15:49,995 --> 00:15:54,771
The answer I gave was the idea that

166
00:15:55,493 --> 00:16:04,551
It doesn't matter whether you can see people's state of mind, their emotions or who they are, because that's only who they are at that moment.

167
00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:10,183
And I said to her, well, you're going through this intensive course and you can see your own mind.

168
00:16:10,343 --> 00:16:11,986
It's not one train.

169
00:16:12,046 --> 00:16:14,852
It's not one coherent message.

170
00:16:15,322 --> 00:16:20,548
who you are changes from moment to moment in totally chaotic ways.

171
00:16:20,648 --> 00:16:28,937
So you might have built up this sankara, this formation, this state, this habit, and you might have a totally contradictory habit.

172
00:16:28,957 --> 00:16:30,919
Evil people can suddenly do wonderful things.

173
00:16:30,999 --> 00:16:31,620
Why is that?

174
00:16:36,866 --> 00:16:45,075
I guess the point is just how important it is to shift our understanding of beings.

175
00:16:45,663 --> 00:17:14,691
Right, and to point out how different it is, our ideas of people and the subsequent insecurity that comes from thinking of people as immutable entities, including ourselves, like I am this sort of person, to seeing the things as aggregates of moment-to-moment experience, and to see people in that way.

176
00:17:15,970 --> 00:17:20,256
Is it related to listening to the person carefully and not having an idea of the person?

177
00:17:20,456 --> 00:17:24,401
Like when you or yourself spoke about mother, child, daughter.

178
00:17:24,441 --> 00:17:25,563
For sure.

179
00:17:25,583 --> 00:17:26,224
Is that related?

180
00:17:26,244 --> 00:17:27,245
I think so.

181
00:17:31,491 --> 00:17:39,361
Because the reason for listening closely should be that you know, you understand this isn't the same person that they were last time.

182
00:17:39,461 --> 00:17:42,405
I can't rely on my idea of who they are.

183
00:17:43,667 --> 00:17:43,767
Yeah.

184
00:17:45,164 --> 00:18:08,539
they could be totally different at this time and we are this is something that is very under under appreciated how how changeable we really are how we could come up with something totally the person who you see oh this is this person you expect them to act in a certain way and they may suddenly come up with some crazy past life habit that they've never exhibited before they may

185
00:18:09,582 --> 00:18:14,388
I mean, of course, talking about past lives, which of course is taboo, but I don't care.

186
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:17,532
Breaking taboos.

187
00:18:17,552 --> 00:18:20,155
That's what I'm all about.

188
00:18:20,175 --> 00:18:21,857
That's your past life talking.

189
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:23,258
One of them.

190
00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:25,181
One of the many.

191
00:18:28,284 --> 00:18:29,786
Okay, so did we get anxiety?

192
00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:31,048
Are we all anxiety-ed out?

193
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:32,890
I'm going to quit.