1 00:00:00,402 --> 00:00:01,083 Let's go. 2 00:00:01,104 --> 00:00:01,504 I trust you. 3 00:00:02,486 --> 00:00:02,587 Okay. 4 00:00:02,887 --> 00:00:04,030 Bonte, hope you are well. 5 00:00:04,531 --> 00:00:06,215 My biggest fear is to lose my mother. 6 00:00:07,096 --> 00:00:08,099 Lose my mother to death. 7 00:00:08,780 --> 00:00:09,963 I know we have to accept it. 8 00:00:10,363 --> 00:00:11,185 She is not mine. 9 00:00:11,827 --> 00:00:14,152 But the fear is still haunting me, even in my dreams. 10 00:00:14,993 --> 00:00:16,677 Please help me understand with your words. 11 00:00:17,018 --> 00:00:18,040 Thank you so much. 12 00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,293 Well, to love your mother is a good thing. 13 00:00:34,875 --> 00:00:35,575 There's good there. 14 00:00:36,817 --> 00:00:38,939 I think you kind of have to separate that out. 15 00:00:39,060 --> 00:00:42,544 And this is what people who have strong sense of family aren't able to do. 16 00:00:44,246 --> 00:00:56,380 And so no matter how they claim that they understand concepts of non-self and attachment, they really do 17 00:00:57,912 --> 00:01:01,897 feel that it's good to be attached to their parents. 18 00:01:02,377 --> 00:01:11,007 Deep down, it's very much a part of their idea of themselves to be afraid of losing your mother. 19 00:01:11,027 --> 00:01:13,170 So you're not afraid to lose your mother. 20 00:01:13,190 --> 00:01:14,411 Maybe that's a good way to approach this. 21 00:01:15,212 --> 00:01:16,974 You're not afraid of losing your mother. 22 00:01:17,014 --> 00:01:26,485 This fear arises from time to time, probably with some frequency. 23 00:01:29,080 --> 00:01:30,283 Fear doesn't haunt you. 24 00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:31,385 Fear arises. 25 00:01:31,465 --> 00:01:36,997 And thinking of it in these terms will help you to align your mind in order to deal with it. 26 00:01:37,799 --> 00:01:40,124 It will also help you to see clearly what's going on. 27 00:01:40,205 --> 00:01:41,387 It's not just the fear. 28 00:01:41,467 --> 00:01:45,857 There's also a love of your mother, gratitude towards your mother, 29 00:01:46,462 --> 00:01:52,374 attachment to your mother, all of those things are also present. 30 00:01:52,474 --> 00:01:54,919 And those things probably fuel the fear. 31 00:01:55,841 --> 00:01:57,524 Well, most definitely fuel the fear. 32 00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:07,744 So all of those are the constituents. 33 00:02:07,724 --> 00:02:10,549 And they're all being held together by this view of self. 34 00:02:11,050 --> 00:02:12,553 You see how these defilements work. 35 00:02:12,573 --> 00:02:13,454 They play different roles. 36 00:02:14,015 --> 00:02:15,358 View of self holds it together. 37 00:02:15,418 --> 00:02:20,386 So you say, this is me, afraid to lose my mother. 38 00:02:20,426 --> 00:02:25,956 But actually, once you let go of that, and you say, okay, fear arose, you say, oh, that's only this part. 39 00:02:26,257 --> 00:02:27,539 There's also the attachment. 40 00:02:27,659 --> 00:02:28,881 There's also the love. 41 00:02:29,883 --> 00:02:31,306 And you're able to separate them out. 42 00:02:31,406 --> 00:02:32,027 And in the end, 43 00:02:33,374 --> 00:02:38,701 you are able to free yourself from the bad ones because you see they're the real problem. 44 00:02:38,722 --> 00:02:41,345 You see clearly that's not helping me. 45 00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:43,328 Okay, that I know is bad. 46 00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:45,211 And so you remove that from the equation. 47 00:02:45,691 --> 00:02:48,635 And when we're left, what we're left with is only the good stuff. 48 00:02:48,655 --> 00:02:56,867 So there's love, there's gratitude, there's compassion and joy and equanimity. 49 00:02:58,535 --> 00:03:10,688 There's wisdom, there's insight, and your relationship with your mother becomes wholesome, and there's no sense of fear or sadness in regards to the loss of your mother. 50 00:03:12,029 --> 00:03:22,320 Okay, so remove the idea of self, get just the idea of this has arisen, and you'll be able to break it up into its parts, see the many parts, and as a result deal with it. 51 00:03:22,340 --> 00:03:24,762 That's insight meditation in a nutshell.