How do you find balance between loving kindness and compassion towards a spouse, children, and other close family, and non-attachment and other desires that arise due to these sorts of people?
It's not quite clear, this question.
What are you trying to find a balance between?
I guess attachment and desires.
Or what do you do in regards to all of these various states?
Well, compassion and loving kindness can go together.
Compassion and loving kindness complement each other.
Compassion is not wanting beings to suffer.
love is wanting them to be happy.
So one is positive and the other is negative.
One is desire for them to be free from suffering.
The other is desire for them to be happy.
Not exactly desire, but the feeling of friendliness and non-cruelty.
So being friendly in the sense of acting in such a way as to bring them happiness.
and non-cruelty in the sense of acting in such a way as to not bring them suffering.
So these two impulses complement each other, and they are very important in family and so on.
The less attachment you have to other people, and I know it doesn't sound nice, but it happens to be true, that the less attachment you have towards people, the more peaceful your life will be.
Your relationships will be So the better The less attachment you have to your family and loved ones, the better Because attachment is wanting them to make you happy
wanting to be in a certain way, grieving when they are in a different way.
If your family member is hurt or dies, it's really because it makes you sad.
We don't like it that we suffer.
It's our own attachment to them.
It doesn't make it any better for them.
It makes it better for them when you have compassion and you try to help them.
So trying to help people is always a good thing, to an extent, until it becomes an attachment and becomes actually wanting them to be in this way or that way.
I guess the most important thing is to know that everyone has to find their own happiness.
And you can't bring true happiness to people.
You can't truly free people from suffering just by alleviating their physical suffering or bringing them physical pleasure or happiness.
This can only come from one's own practice.
And it can only come with an example of someone else practicing in that way.
So the best thing that you can do in a family situation and the best way for you to live, even in the world, is to be mindful and let go.