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How do you find balance between loving kindness and compassion towards a spouse, children, and other close family, and non-attachment and other desires that arise due to these sorts of people?

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It's not quite clear, this question.

3
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What are you trying to find a balance between?

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I guess attachment and desires.

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Or what do you do in regards to all of these various states?

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Well, compassion and loving kindness can go together.

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Compassion and loving kindness complement each other.

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Compassion is not wanting beings to suffer.

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love is wanting them to be happy.

10
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So one is positive and the other is negative.

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One is desire for them to be free from suffering.

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The other is desire for them to be happy.

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Not exactly desire, but the feeling of friendliness and non-cruelty.

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So being friendly in the sense of acting in such a way as to bring them happiness.

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and non-cruelty in the sense of acting in such a way as to not bring them suffering.

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So these two impulses complement each other, and they are very important in family and so on.

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The less attachment you have to other people, and I know it doesn't sound nice, but it happens to be true, that the less attachment you have towards people, the more peaceful your life will be.

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Your relationships will be So the better The less attachment you have to your family and loved ones, the better Because attachment is wanting them to make you happy

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wanting to be in a certain way, grieving when they are in a different way.

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If your family member is hurt or dies, it's really because it makes you sad.

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We don't like it that we suffer.

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It's our own attachment to them.

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It doesn't make it any better for them.

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It makes it better for them when you have compassion and you try to help them.

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So trying to help people is always a good thing, to an extent, until it becomes an attachment and becomes actually wanting them to be in this way or that way.

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I guess the most important thing is to know that everyone has to find their own happiness.

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And you can't bring true happiness to people.

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You can't truly free people from suffering just by alleviating their physical suffering or bringing them physical pleasure or happiness.

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This can only come from one's own practice.

30
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And it can only come with an example of someone else practicing in that way.

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So the best thing that you can do in a family situation and the best way for you to live, even in the world, is to be mindful and let go.