There's a part of me that wants to give up every day.
I like being depressed, but at the same time I know I shouldn't be like this.
I don't know what to do.
wants to give up.
I assume you mean that in a bad way, like wants to kill yourself, wants to give up trying and so on.
Because actually giving up is a really good thing.
I had one student once and she was really difficult.
and why i pushed her i made her made it really difficult for she came to me and she said i want to kill myself i said good good kill yourself and then keep practicing and i said this to her ended up saying this to her several times she said oh i want to die yes yes die first and then continue practicing then start again and then i would explain what i mean you know dying is giving up the idea of self giving up
All of this stuff that you're clinging to.
Let go.
Yeah, letting go is good.
There was one monk, he said, well, you know, the Buddha was pretty bummed out before he went forth.
So it's not wrong to be depressed.
You're depressed about things that are pretty depressing.
generally depressed about our inability to fit in with people who are interested in what turned out to be quite useless and even harmful things.
We're depressed that we can't succeed in a world where success is measured by our ability to defeat other people.
We are depressed about the meaninglessness of a life and a world, existence, which turns out to be quite meaningless.
And so giving up is great.
Giving up in the same vein as someone would kill themselves is actually, if channeled in the right direction, is a great thing.
Because killing yourself isn't the answer.
Unfortunately, when you die, you're just born again.
That's the problem.
The mind doesn't go anywhere.
They're still clinging.
It's not killing yourself.
Killing yourself is a great thing because truly killing yourself is on the mental front.
It's the killing of the self.
The idea that there is some reality there.
The idea that this is who I am, this me who lives in society is somehow real.
Killing yourself doesn't come from destroying the body.
That's not killing the self.
Killing the self is letting go.
When you let go and when you live your life from moment to moment without thinking about the past or the future, without worrying about who you are or who you should be or who you could be, then you will have no suffering.
So that's the first thing I would say.
The second part, it's like I like being depressed.
This is a danger because you get... We rather than solve the problem, we...
content ourselves with wallowing in self-pity, unconsciously reassuring ourselves that we're doing our duty.
Being depressed is an answer, in a sense.
It becomes our answer.
It's just, yes, yes, I know things are horrible.
That's why I'm depressed.
As though that were a viable solution to the problem.
And that's dangerous.
You have no benefit in being depressed and you have to see that.
All you have to do is meditate on the depression and you'll see how meaningless it is.
You'll see how useless it is.
You'll look at the depression and you'll see it disappear in a second.
And you'll wonder, like, what's wrong?
We miss a lot about meditation.
We don't realize that it's actually working.
Because you meditate on it and then it disappears and you think, now what?
And you don't get it that actually it just worked.
The depression is gone.
Move on.
But we cling and we are comfortable with things.
We become comfortable in our suffering.
So that's dangerous.
You have to be very clear with yourself.
Not to stop the depression or even to worry about it or be upset about the depression.
But to be honest with yourself about the depression.
Because being upset about the depression is your way of defending it.
It's your way of keeping yourself in it.
You can even say, yes, yes, I know I shouldn't be depressed.
Yes, I'm such an awful person.
It makes you more depressed.
And therefore you're less inclined to change.
That's the second part.
The third part where you say, at the same time I know it shouldn't be like this, well the question is how should it be then?
And once it is that way, how can you keep it that way?
Because you can't force things to be in a certain way or another.
You have two choices.
One, think things should be otherwise than what they are.
Or two, deal with the way they are.
And I don't think there's much doubt about which is the better way.
The...
There can be no comparison between wishing that things were otherwise than they are and dealing with things as they are, coming to terms with things as they are.
My teacher always reminds us, the Buddha always reminded us, don't worry about the past, don't worry about the future, make the present moment the best it can be.
This is how my teacher always puts it, make the present moment the best it can be.
again and again he reminds us and that's really all it is you don't have to solve the past you don't have to solve the future you don't have to make things better because when you cling to your idea of the way things are better it will one day be like that
and then you lose it and then it'll change again you cling to it and then it won't be like that again this very thing that what you have to do is learn to or remind yourself that see this as a a lesson that things can change in this way things can be the way you wish and later not be the way you wish and so
admit to yourself that you need a better way.
You can't rely on things to be the way you want.
And so whether you know that things, what you mean by that is that they should be, you should be like an enlightened being or not.
The way to enlightenment is not by wishing or thinking about how things could be.
It's about dealing with the way things are.
So deal with your depression.
Look at it.
Live with it.
Study it.
Study it like it were a project of yours.
Like you were depressed on purpose just so you could learn about it.
And don't be depressed on purpose, but think of it as just how it should be.
Yes, yes, this is important.
It's important for me to be depressed so I can learn about depression.
I mean, not to the extent that you encourage it, because you shouldn't encourage anything.
You should just learn about what is.
And once you learn about what is, then you understand about everything.
Because what is, is.
And that's all that is.