Miriam asks, she has three younger brothers who really like to go out and party.
Since I don't go out because I don't see the point, they tell me I have no life.
Even my parents tell me the same.
And I tell them I see no point in doing what they do because there's no gain from that and that I'm happy being like this.
I found this is distracting me in meditation.
Am I too attached to my family?
I think going through the Mangalam Sutta, cherishing family, supporting one's mother and father,
taking care for the welfare of your family is one of the highest blessings, the Buddha says.
So that you care that maybe they're doing something that's unhealthy for their body.
Perhaps you're seeing how distracting it is.
What they're actually engaging in is a huge distraction in of itself.
Alcohol distracts the mind.
It creates lots of carelessness.
addiction but I've had similar experiences and I would I would say that what's been really helpful rather than kind of getting into too much talk about it
would be to simply offer alternatives.
People go out and party and watch TV and do mindless, careless, harmful things often because our culture sort of offers that and doesn't
give too many alternatives.
And it seems like you have a meditation practice going and you could invite them to participate, whether it's going to some sort of Dhamma talk in the area that you think might be of interest to them or seeing if they'll actually sit down with you and close their eyes and practice.
Just offering time together with them that could make their mind a bit more calm and peaceful so they don't feel like they need to go out so much.
Or the meditation party.
We don't have anything wrong with partying, it's just we want a specific type of party.
Meditation party.
Yeah, actually we do, uh, well in Thailand more so they do, uh, all night, actually like two nights ago.
I don't know who stayed up all night.
Um, the bugs kept me up most of the night I'd say, but, uh, we were at Anuradhapura, is that what you say?
And so, um, sleeping outside and sleeping, I don't know how much sleeping was going on, but meditating outside.
And, uh,
It's very Buddhist to do an all-night meditation every half moon.
And it's quite fun, in a sense, even though it can be very challenging to actually stay up with your eyes closed.
Or you can change to do walking meditation, but
There's so much sort of peaceful energy that can arise, very calm and peaceful energy that can arise from feeling lethargy in the body and not just caving in or opening the fridge and just feeling it arise and pass away.
It can
Yeah, it's a whole other type of partying of the mind.
Anyone else?
I just wanted to say one simple thing is that they tell you you don't have a life, you have no life.
Tell them you have peace.
Tell them you have happiness.
You have to find something good for yourself.
When I was at home, my parents would yell at me.
My stepmother was yelling at me, saying I was brainwashed, how I was a zombie, and how I was lost, and how I was no fun anymore, and not fun to be around.
Because I used to play guitar, and I would joke, and I would play games, and so on.
I didn't want to do any of that anymore.
They'd say, you're like a zombie.
But I knew inside that what I was doing was correct and it was actually quite torture for me.
Torture is, you know, to have to listen to this and feel kind of the anguish and the conflict and so on because I was a new meditator.
But it's not...
You know, that's a fact of life.
You're surrounded by people who don't want to meditate, and that's what I was.
So it was a lot of suffering.
It didn't change anything.
It didn't make me say, oh, maybe I should go party with them.
There really is no answer.
It just is what it is.
That's the way it is.
Once you develop in the meditation, then you have no problem.
You just smile at them and say,
if I'm a zombie then I'm a zombie but I have peace, happiness and freedom from suffering what do you have?
what do you get from going out?
right now in your mind you have a whole bunch of anger and dissatisfaction with me and worry about me and all of these things are causing suffering for you I don't have that so I consider this state to be much more peaceful and happy but of course you need to attain that yourself
In the beginning, there is no answer.
You're just going through this transition period where your parents haven't come to realize the truth of what you're saying and you yourself haven't yet experienced the fruits or are still only cultivating the fruits.
It's like you have a...
a field of grain or something and it hasn't bore fruit yet and people are saying oh what are you wasting all your time because they can't see the fruits and you don't have anything to show them because you don't have the fruits yet but you know you've planted correctly and you've done everything properly and it's only a matter of time and then when the fruit comes then you can show them and say see see it was very much worth it and you you people who were
Or like the story of the ants and the grasshopper, right?
The grasshopper just lazes around all summer and plays his fiddle and has fun.
And the ants are working and working and working.
And then he says, look at these stupid ants wasting their time working, working, collecting food.
What are they doing?
They should enjoy life.
And then the winter comes and the grasshopper can't find food and he's freezing and cold and so he goes and knocks on the ants' door and they say, oh yes, we've got lots of food, we're doing fine because we prepared for the winter.
So that kind of thing.
I mean, it's a matter of where your priorities are.
Do you want to just waste your potential here and now in enjoying
And these base pleasures, or do you want to work and cultivate higher happiness and higher peace?
That's more lasting and more sustainable.
But you have to put up with the ridicule of people like the grasshopper.