1
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Oh, I lost you there.

2
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Your sound is turned off.

3
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Yes.

4
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Okay.

5
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Sorry.

6
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Go ahead.

7
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I am having a difficult time reconciling, not harming with my words while telling the truth.

8
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I know someone who asks me a question only to hear a soft response and gets upset when I answer honestly.

9
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Do I look fat in this dress?

10
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Yes.

11
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That was Sam Harris' example.

12
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Do I look fat in this dress?

13
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Yes, yes, you look fat in that dress.

14
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What do you do?

15
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How can you really answer and tell someone that they look fat in a dress?

16
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But his answer is, well, I mean, you have to be clever.

17
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You have to be perfect.

18
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And you have to let go.

19
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There are two sides to this.

20
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This is the other side of lying.

21
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What do you do when you're in a position to lie?

22
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What do you do when telling the truth is going to disrupt your way of life?

23
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And so there's two sides.

24
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One, you become skillful so you don't disrupt your life.

25
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And two, you take it as a chance to point out to yourself that it's only because of your clinging that there's a problem here.

26
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In some cases it's only because you're clinging to a relationship that's based on lies, even white lies.

27
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You know, because people are so vain and self-conscious and so on, you really want to be around people who ask you, how do I look, how do I look, and so on, all the time.

28
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Or even can be even more sinister than that, people who need to be told lies just to be happy, you know.

29
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So is this really the kind of relationship that you want to have?

30
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Sam Harris, I would look up this book by Sam Harris, Lying by Sam Harris.

31
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I think it's no longer for free, but you can find it for free on Scribd.

32
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I found it.

33
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I've got it for free.

34
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I don't know.

35
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It'd be even worth buying it.

36
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You know, this is the thing.

37
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See, I don't have money, so for me, getting things for free is really important.

38
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But if you've got money, there's no problem with buying this book.

39
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I think it's $2 actually.

40
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That's ridiculous.

41
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So go and buy it on Amazon, this book that he wrote, Lying by Sam Harris.

42
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And I agree with pretty much everything.

43
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Not pretty much, almost everything he says.

44
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I go a little further in saying lying is never good, but then I also would say that torture is never defensible, whereas he seems to, I think he's just intellectualizing, so to the point where he finds that torture could be useful and could be beneficial and morally or ethically necessary or something like that.

45
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But he's a very good writer and he writes really well on lying.

46
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Reality is not nearly as simple as we think.

47
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That goes without saying, right?

48
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So we think it's either A I hurt the person, either A I tell the truth and hurt the person, or B I lie and make them happy.

49
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It's never, it's not nearly as simple as that.

50
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What's the effect on your mind?

51
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What's the effect on your relationship with this person when you tell them a white lie?

52
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That your relationship is not... You don't feel totally free to be totally honest with this person.

53
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And, you know, suppose it's your boss, right?

54
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And they want you to somehow lie to them, or lie to other people.

55
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And so somehow, let's just say your boss happens to be a little bit overweight, or heavier than most people, and so...

56
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Your boss asks you, do I look fat in this dress?

57
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And you know if you say you look fat that based on your past experiences with this person, they'll just fire you or they'll make your life very difficult.

58
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It's a good chance for you to realize that you're in the wrong life.

59
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You can't avoid these very, very difficult situations when you're surrounded by people who make things very, very difficult for you.

60
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This is why

61
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The conclusion I can only ever come to is, why don't you just ordain?

62
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Why don't you all just ordain?

63
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Why don't you all just give it up?

64
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What use do you find in it?

65
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What good do you find in it?

66
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Yes, you have attachments.

67
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Yes, you have desires.

68
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I had them.

69
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I'm not the perfect monk.

70
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I'm not perfect.

71
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I didn't become a monk because I was perfect.

72
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I'm not special.

73
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We are not special.

74
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Why not just do it?

75
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This is why I said there's two sides.

76
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If you have the view that there's some benefit in being with such people and being in such situations, then this is... I don't have much to say.

77
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We can never find...

78
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a common ground and you know unless in certain cases I can persuade you otherwise but I don't have that intention if you want to be free from this but you feel you're so attached to the world

79
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This isn't a problem.

80
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This is why you become a monk.

81
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This is why you leave the world.

82
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Why you go to a meditation center.

83
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Because you know, I have too many defilements to live in this place.

84
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If I continue this lifestyle, there's no way I'm going to progress in Dhamma.

85
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There's no way I'm going to become a better person.

86
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No way my mind is going to find clarity.

87
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I can't progress here.

88
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This is why you leave and go off into the forest.

89
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You know that you've got a problem.

90
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That's why you do it.

91
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That's why you leave.

92
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This is the Buddha's teaching on guarding.

93
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You have to guard yourself.

94
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You have to do away with these complexities of life.

95
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And this is why people become a monk.

96
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This is the best reason to become a monk.

97
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Or, you know, whatever, find a way to live a more simple life as a lay person.

98
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It's perfectly valid.

99
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Some lay people are able to live simpler lives than many monks.

100
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So, power to them.